Please wait.... Loading fonts............. Please wait.... Loading 'News.Muzak'...... Please wait.... Loading 'News.Graphics'... Please wait.... Loading 'News.Data'....... LOAD ERROR !!!! RESET YOUR COMPUTER!!!!!!!! PAGE 00 Exceller_8_by_NS^FLT:news.data Exceller_8_by_NS^FLT:news.muzak Exceller_8_by_NS^FLT:news.graphics Exceller.font >>>>>> FUCK OFF ALL LAMERS <<<<<< Exceller 8 by North Star ^ Fairlight Issue 1 1988 Programming by Omega in 1988 ENTER PAGENR: (Two digits) Page Number to High. Please wait. Creating page. @H1"HELP PAGE" @FKEY:@N@L @L @KEsc@N - NTSC users @FONLY@N@L @KHelp@N - This page@L @KDel@N - Goto page 01@L @L @KCursor right@N - Add 1 page@L @KCursor left@N - Back 1 page@L @KCursor up@N - Add 3 pages@L @KCursor down@N - Back 3 pages@L @L @KF1@N - First page@L @KF2@N - Last page@L @L @KF3@N - Music on@L @KF4@N - Music off@L @L @KF5 to F10@N - Diffrent colors@L @L @KEnter@N - Goto a page@L @L After pressing enter. Type in your pagenumber. (You must enter two digits.) Press enter again to exit this mode.@COur address:@L @L @KEXCELLER 8@L @L HEIMDALSGATAN 37 @L 261 62 GLUMSLOV @L SWEDEN @L----------------@L @N@L @L @L Press any key to return to last page.@P !’PRESS 'HELP' KEY FOR HELPþ MAGZINE ROUTINE v1.00þ ISSUE 1 1988þ PROGRAMMED AND COMPOSED BY OMEGA OF NSþ GRAPHICS BY CRAB ^ MAGNUS PREDIKAKAþ MUSIC BY TITANþ EDITOR FOETUS (AND RESPONSIBLE !!!!)þ (C) 1988 NORTH STAR ^ FAIRLIGHTþ PRESS 'HELP' KEY FOR HELPþ IF YOU WANT TO CONTACT US. WRITE TO:þ EXCELLER 8 þ HEIMDALSGATAN 37þ 261 62 GLUMSLOV þ SWEDEN þ NORTH STAR, "ADVANCED, BUT NOT ALIEN" @H1"WELCOME" Hello and welcome to the first issue of@F EXCELLER 8@N.@L@LEXCELLER 8 is published by @F NORTHSTAR/FAIRLIGHT @Nand will hopefully be released once every second month. Exceller 8 will do it's best to keep you informed about what is going on in the media-world as we AMIGA owners see it. Since this is the first issue of this magazine, you have to accept some flaws, but this magazine is far from finished yet. In the coming issues you will see a lot of "extras" added. Things like digitised pictures, more graphics and lots of other bits and pieces.@LIn EXCELLER 8 you will find a lot of things that are not common in other disk based magazines. Things like movie- and record reviews, best and worse musicvideos on cabletv, features about concerts and events taking place all over Europe (and hopefully USA). Charts about everything and nothing and of course game reviews. @L@LNow, read on!! Ed. @P @H1"CONTENTS" 02. History of North Star@L 07. Software in Italy?@L 10. Big AL of Freestyle UK@L 12. Swedish Scene@L 14. Amiga Games All times greatest@L 15. New Releases@L 18. Master of Score@L 19. Virus Column@L 21. Alvesta Meeting@L 23. Competition !!!@L 24. Advertisments@L25. Letters@L 26. Busted by the Mail!@L 28. Game Reviews@L 31. Role Playing@L 33. A Lesson In Swedish@L 34. London, A Paradise?@L 35. Music Videos@L 39. Quotes@L 40. LP And CD Reviews@L 43. Heavy Metal@L 45. Concert Videos@L 46. Swedish Censorship is a @KCRIME@N!@L 47. Movie Time@L 51. The Sport@L 53. Pure Madness@L 56. The End.@L @L @S0@L Staff of Exceller 8:@L Atom (NS)@L Azid (NS)@L Celebrandil (NS)@L Crab (NS)@L Foetus (NS)@L Jazze (NS)@L Luftwaffe (X8)@L Rex (NS)@L Slaine (NS)@L Starfire (NS)@L Sword (X8)@L The Man With No Name - Yet (X8)@L @L @S0@L Contributers to this issue:@L Idiger ^ Marcella (Italy)@L Big Al (Freestyle UK ^Alphaflight)@L @L @S0@L Inhouse programmer:_______@FOMEGA@N @P @H1"The History of North Star" For those who are interested in how to form one of the biggest groups in @FEurope@N, this is the articel to read (and study!).@L @L From the beginning when nobody ever had heard of us until today, when we got cracks, demos, utilities, antivirus, music rippers, disk magazines, music disks and trained games spread all over the world !!!@L @L It all started long before people began to call themselves a group name. The computer we started with was the ZX Spectrum. There were no groups existing on this computer. But we me(Atom), Mr.R, Starfire, Foetus and Azid (All living in Helsingborg, Sweden) worked like a team. We totally dominated the Spectrum, at least 5 cracks a week !! Mr.R (Our Computer Repairman) developed special cracking interfaces for the Spectrum wich we used to crack nearly impossible protections (Speed Loaders etc).@L @L But the true reason to our success was that we worked like a team. Two swappers and three crackers, well the true master cracker was Mr.R who cracked hundreds of spectrum games !! Then on a sunny day, Starfire bought a computer called Commodore 64 (ever heard of it ??) and there we saw a lot of demos and cracks made by different groups. By this time Mr.R had resigned from cracking games and was busy with developing games for the Spectrum. I did the graphics and ET (a friend of Mr.R) did the music. So Starfire and I decided to form a group. And so we did ! But it took nearly two weeks until we had thought of a name wich pleased us.... The name was @FNorth Star@N !!! And that's ourbirth !!@L @L Because we were so lame, we had troubles getting new programs and troubles making decent demos. Four weeks after I bought my 64 I coded a demo... Our first !! It wasn't especially good, but what the heck it was the first one. Then we thought we needed some more members who could do the swapping. The choice was Foetus who recently had bought a 64. (good choice - Ed) Foetus persuaded his old mate Azid to buy one too and also brought along an old swap partner of him called Zoetrope. Now we was five members. Then Starfire met Hedda (Now a member of the 64 group Sphinx) who was quite good at coding the 64.@L @L I made a new demo with a 48 sprite scroll and a lot of other funny things but I never really finished it. Hedda did some cracks and intros. But still, nobody paid attention to us !! The great computer Amiga 500 came to Sweden. Of course Starfire was the first one to buy one. It was great !! Playing Defender Of The Crown (Cracked by HQC!) and all those great games !!!@L @L Finally I had enough money to buy one of those Dream Machines !!! The first thing I tried to code was a scroll but using the Metacompco Ass and not knowing the return address for the copper slowed it all down. Now everybody bought an Amiga, Mr.R, Et and Hedda !! Mr.R understod the Hardware Manual (I didn't) and started coding a game. Learning from his sources I succeeded in making a scroll. Soon I had put in stars and a sprite which you could move with the joystick in my little demo. By this time some of my friends (who knew Rex) and I visited Rex. Wooow, he had over 100 games !! He was a member of a now dead group called SAS.@L @L Starfire and I often visited Rex and copied games, soon we were quite good friends with him... And I had finished my first demo Atom Demo 1. The coding (at that time) was quite good, if you compared it with the other demos, but the sample was shit !! (It was sampled on Et's shit sampler!). And showing this demo to Rex converted him !!! Rex was now a member of North Star. Now we started to grow in Sweden. Then one day, we saw a intro by Fairlight (Hi! partner!). Fairlight and Triad was going to have a copy party !!@L @L I called Black Shadow and asked if he could send us an invitation, He had never heard of us, but he said he would send an invitation anyway. He never did, probably because he thought we were great@B LAMERS@N. Anyway, we drove to the meeting (At least Black Shadow said where the party would take place). We thought the meeting was boring, nobody ever heard of us and thought that we were loosers. I had started to understand the Hardware Manual completely and started to code on MegaDemo 1.@L @L I met Omega and made him a proud member of North Star. Starfire met Titan, who was a music genius, and also owned an Amiga. We made Titan a member of North Star.@L @L It took a month to finish MegaDemo 1 and Rex spread the demo to all his 30(not much Eh?) swedish contacts. Then, after a week, letters started to drop in from Germany, Holland, Norway, Denmark, Belgium etc. That was coool !!! Hedda who still was in love with his 64 and paid no attention to the Amiga felt a bit lonely because we had decided do become an Amiga group only. So he joined another group, promising he would re-join us when he could program the Amiga (Still waiting for you !). Foetus sold his 64 and bought an Amiga (indeed - Ed).@L @L I sent the disk with MegaDemo 1 to Black Shadow (a great risk, because he never returned the disk with my Atom Demo 1). Blackie found the demos quite good and called me the same day he had recieved the disk and asked if I and Starfire was interested in joining them. The offer was very tempting...... But the respond on MegaDemo 1 was so big that we decided to stay. Our contacts had now increased to more than 100 foreigners.@L @L Crab who was an old friend of Starfire had learned to code on the Amiga and was also good on graphix, so he joined us. One rainy day I got a call from a guy called Boerni. He said he was interested in joining us, he sent his 64 game to convince me. The game was fairly good, but still a decent budget game. Anyway, we accepted. By this time I, Omega, Crab and Boerni started to work on Mega Demo II.@L @L We were now swapping with nearly all the biggest groups around the globe. I and Black Shadow got an idea, why not gather the best programmers and crackers in Sweden in one new group. We talked to Il Scuro (of DefJam) and Computer Brains International. Because of the distance and that everyone didn't know eachother we never formed a new group. Some new members dropped in, Slaine and Zing (Swappers) who Rex knew and Jazze (Music & graphix) an old class mate of mine.@L @L When we nearly had completed Mega Demo II, Black Shadow called and asked if we were interested in a cooperation between North Star & Fairlight. We thought it was a good idea, because we didn't crack so many games and concentrated to do demos, while Fairlight concentrated on cracking games. Another important reason was that both of us lived near Malmoe. By car, it would only take an hour to visit Fairlight.@L @L So Black Shadow (Fairlight) started to code an North Star ^ Fairligth intro and so did I. We finished Mega Demo II, not without any problems ! The problem was that everyone in North Star used the hardware to enable the copper while Fairlight used graphics.library. Though the hardware way has priority over graphics.library way, Fairlight's copper never worked ! Just the loading screen and the music appeared. So Black Shadow gave me the address to the copper and I had to enable the copper before de-crunching his demo. That explains the odd flipp in Mega Demo II before FLT's demo. When the screen at last appeared I noticed that not all sprites were dummy addressed, what the heck I thought. And that explains the flicker in the FLT demo. Some more bugs in Mega Demo II can appear when you run the Crab scrolls. Boerni also had a bug in his end demo, wich appeared when he started to buffer the screen. But enought of that !!@L @L After Mega Demo II some new folks joined us they were Odie (Music) (Now leaving. Because he wants to start a popband and needs money to buy a synth), Celebrandil (Coding), Lord Vegas (Coding), Kaktus & Mahoney (Coding and music), Dagger (graphics).@L @L A lot of people wonder how so many guys can be in one group and still be organized. The secret is this:@L All members in Helsingborg (nearly all) meet eachother at least once a week. We meet Fairlight and the members outside Helsingborg every month. More than 5 members have cars. We often do something funny together. We organized the group so that everybody knows what to do and knows what's going on in the group.@L @L We have some ground principels that is: Never use music or graphix made by someone outside North Star. No competition in the group, like: Who is the best coder... and stupid things like that.(I know I am the best! -Ed). Never keep programming secrets from eachother. Never give out a North Star source to someone outside North Star. Learn from eachother. Making games together. Never spread things before everybody have decided to. No stress, no one ever has to do something if he really doesn't want to. Most important, always have fun ! The access to success in bussiness is @FTEAM WORK@N.@L @L @BAtom@N for Exceller 8 <1988>. @C @H1"Software made in Italy ?" The software for Personal Computers was created in the U.S.A. in the beginning of the 80's, when the production was very small compared with today's. After a couple of years the English invented the games on cassette and in Germany the utilities for professionals were developed together with good conversions of "Coin Op" games. The French create good adventure games. In England the quality of the game programs failed off, because of too many new titles, while other states such as Swiss, Sweden, Denmark and Hungary (Andromeda) start to produce good programs.@L @L The Italians do not write professional programs.@L @L Why?@L @L In the 80's many softwarehouses have written professional programs for IBM PC with compiled Basic! They have created Business programs, Ledger and other programs for the Italian market. In Italy computers are considered mysterious machine and the assistance cost much money!@L @L After the arrival of the PC clone, Commodore 64, Sinclair Spectrum and MSX (Amstrad CPC has not arrived in Italy!), to many and to hasty written programs, in Basic or even worse, has been released.@L @L In Italy there doesn't exist distributors of software for home computers or computer shops, so the new programs are distributed in the Newspaper Kiosk, together with Magazines and Comics!@L @L Games and programs are pirate compilations "cleared" from every Copyrigth notice, the name has been changed and they are translated into Italian.@L @L Many copies of Pirate publicated programs have forced companies such as Activision and Epyx to change market and leave Italy.@L @L Then the first pirate computershop was born that keep on selling copies of software free by any restrictions with subscriptions of the latest programs.@L @L Note: In Italy the number of personal computers installed is very high, but there has never been created a market for original programs.@L @L Some software houses have made some decent software but failed on the market, closing each activity.@L @L When Mastertronic arrived in Italy, they tried to eliminate the piracy with legal war. The initiative was stopped, because here there doesn't exist a regulation in the law for the software and because of the high number of pirates.@L @L Their next pass was to create a market of budget games and to reduce the prices of the programs. In fact, in Italy software for CBM 64 (not budget games) cost $11, while in England they cost $14. Software for the Amiga cost $19 in Italy and $35 in England!@L @L Today an agent of the Mastertronic declares: "The piracy on C64 is dead." That isn't true, but because of the high number of games sold in many computershop, Mastertronic doesn't care that it's games are copied.@L @L The pirates haven't stopped their activities, they have just changed it. Now pirates sell the original cassette (too much work to copy a cassette!) but not the original disk. They only sell them to you if they are required.@L @L With these activities pirates have gained a lot of money. You can buy a cottage with the pirate profits!@L As a foreigner, you do not consider the Italian software decent, but there is not an Italian software house to make programs!@L @L The latest demo created by the little software house, E-MOTION, does not interest anyone and no one wants to promote and finish this game on the Amiga.@L @L The author have changed his activity into developing hardware digitizers and genlocks for the Amiga.@L @L @L @KExample: For one program "cleared" the editor pays the cracker $400 to $800 for a week of work. For one original program the programmer gets paid $800 for a month of work.@L @L @L @N So it doesn't exist any motivation to make new software!@L @L I'm waiting for the year 1992, when with the opening of the borders and trade in Europe, it will be easy to create software for the European market!@L @L Today I continue to crack and spread programs as a hobby and for work.@L @L @L @BIDIGER and MARCELLA@N @C @H1"BIG AL of FREESTYLE UK" Over the last few months many things have happened in England. First of all there was the P.C Show in London. All the BIG groups were there. There was Quoram+BS1, World of Wonders, Alphaflight, Freestyle, JCS, ANC, Danish USA team, The Web Inc, etc.@L @L Even though you met a lot of crackers, swappers the show was too packed , sometimes you couldm't even walk since it was too busy. Hardly anything was released at the show this was a bit dissapointing for everybody.@L @L After the show there was a big copy-party. Everything that was released at the show for the amiga was released at the copy-party. Even though only 2 per group could enter the party the whole house was packed. One of the major happenings was the TEW/NATO group joined QUORAM. Another thing was that FREESTYLE U.K split up SHARE & ENJOY due to arguments the split happened many people from SAE joined FREESTYLE.@L @L Now (30/10/88) many thing have happened. After a few releases QUORAM are hardly releasing any stuff. One of the few groups that are releasing any stuff are QUARTEX, A-HA(W.O.W), PUBLIC ENEMY NO.1 hopefully as soon as we (FREESTYLE) get a modem we should be releasing very hot stuff from us cracked and imported abroad.@L @L The shops are releasing a lot of hot games (we should get a cracked Barbarian II 100% tomorrow).@L @L A lot of people have been slagging people lately. Cyrus of Percepolis slagged us of, he did a scroll program which he typed out of a mag to slag us of he even said DEXION wrote a part of the scroll text (What a joke!!!). The shit thing he did was to edit a Wild Copper demo saying we did it.@L @L Then the other night somebody kept on ringing us up (this is at 2.00am in the morning) and saying he was a swapper then he (or they) rang us up a minute later saying total crap on the phone. He kept on ringing for about 30 minutes this totally fucked us. As soon as we know who did it we are totally going to beat the crap out of him.@L @L We have joined ALPHAFLIGHT so we should get some good demoes out.@L @L Anyway a lot of things have happened in England watch out next month to see what happens.@L @L @BBIG AL@L OF@L FREESTYLE U.K/ALPHAFLIGHT@N @P @H1"Swedish Scene" A year ago almost every big group came from West-Germany, Holland or England. Ofcourse there were some active amiga groups in Sweden then too like Fairlight and Vortex 42. But under this year many groups grew up some less successfully than others.@L @L Today there is only three groups in Sweden which can compare themself with the bigger German groups they are: @BNorth Star and Fairlight, Defjam and IPEC Elite@N. Still there are many smaller groups who are quite good programmers and demo makers but have problems with getting hot originals (which is really hard in Sweden). Some of these groups which we can call the 'average sweden group' are: The Silents, The Round Circle, Jet Speed, Vortex 42 and The Afterburners. The biggest problem with beeing a less well known group is to get attention.@L To become more well known a group has to offer something which the bigger groups don't have. Course lack of contact it's hard to get hotter stuff, so the only thing they can offer is selfmade demos and utilities. To get known these days is nearly impossible. A year ago it was much easier.@L @L Most of the programmes released comes first to Germany , U.K. and Denmark before it arrives in Sweden. So if you don't have a very good source you have a big problem.@L @L One of the main reasons why the Swedes might seem lame is course of the late arrival af the Amiga 500 in Sweden.@L @L Lately I heard people saying that North Star and Fairlight have been a bit inactive. And that's right, the main members have been busy with:@L Mr.R coding games on Atari St and Amiga.@L Starfire starting a roleplaying organisation.@L Atom making graphix for Mr.R and coding a game on Amiga, @FGIRLS@N.@L Omega coding a program for a cab-company and making an Amiga game.@L Crab making graphix for Mr.R.@L Rex and some other swappers have had big problems with the post office.@L And Black Shadow of Fairlight have been busy with parties and alcoholic stuff.@L @L And belive it or not we are getting a little bit bored with making demos and cracking games. And not to forget to mention we 'have' to go to school at the same time!@L @L There are really more interesting things in life than just coding ! Because of the big piracy problem on Amiga, one can earn much more money on making an Atari ST game ! And that's a thought we don't like, so we will cut down on our contacts and nearly stop to crack games (at least we (@BNorth Star@N) will).@L @L After Mega Demo 3 there will probably not be so many more demos, because all members are more interested in finishing their games.@L @L @BATOM@N @P @H1"AMIGA GAMES ALL TIME GREATEST:" 1. MENACE@L 2. SUMMER OLYMPICS@L 3. MINIGOLF@L 4. HYBRIS@L 5. BATTLECHESS@L 6. SIDEWINDER@L 7. ZOOM@L 8. KATAKIS@L 9. INTERCEPTOR@L 10. BUBBLE BOBBLE@L 11. STARGLIDER II@L 12. BIONIC COMMANDO@L 13. KATAKIS @L 14. ROCKET RANGER @L 15. FUTURETANK@L 16. PACMANIA@L 17. GREAT GIANA SISTERS@L 18. STAR RAY @L 19. INSANITY FIGHT@L 20. IKARI WARRIORS@L 21. LEATHERNECK@L 22. POWERSTYX@L 23. P.O.W@L 24. ROGER RABBIT@L 25. SARCOPHASER @L 26. GARRISSON@L 27. THUNDERBOY@L 28. PANDORA@L 29. BUGGY BOY@L 30. BEYOND THE ICE PALACE@L 31. ARKANOID@L 32. CARRIER COMMAND@L 33. NEBULUS@L 34. THUNDERCATS@L 35. WIZBALL@L 36. BARBARIAN (PSYGNOSIS)@L 37. GUNSHOOT@L 38. KARATE KID II@L 39. AMIGA SOCCER@L 40. S.D.I@L 41. WAY OF THE LITTLE DRAGON@L 42. WORLD GAMES@L 43. DALEY THOMPSONS 88@L 44. BARBARIAN (PALACE)@L 45. SCORPIO@L 46. MISSION ANDROMEDA@L 47. SENTINEL@L 48. CAPTAIN BLOOD@L 49. HELLFIRE@L 50. UNINVITED@L @L COMPLAINTS? GAME CHART, EXCELLER 8, HEIMDALSGATAN 37, S-262 62 GLUMSLOV, SWEDEN. @P @H1"NEW RELEASES" THIS LIST OF GAMES IS BASED ON THE COMPANYS ANNOUNCE DATE, ALL GAMES WILL STAY ON THE LIST UNTIL THE GAMES HAS BEEN RELEASED, OR REDRAWN.@L @L 20000 LEAGUES UNDER THE SEA, COCKTEL VISION, OCTOBER@L AFTERBURNER, ACTIVISION, JANUARY 1989@L ASTAROTH, HEWSON, DECEMBER@L BARBARIAN II, PALACE, NOVEMBER@L BAT, UBI SOFT, JANUARY 1989@L BATMAN, OCEAN, OCTOBER@L BLACK TIGER, CAPCOM/GO!, FEBRUARY 1989@L BUTCHER HILL, GREMLIN, JANUARY 1989@L CALIFORNIA GAMES, EPYX, JANUARY 1989@L CIRCUS GAMES, TYNE SOFT,OCTOBER@L COMBAT SCHOOL, IMAGINE, OCTOBER@L DAMOCLES, NOVAGEN, NOVEMBER@L DARK SIDE, INCENTIVE, FEBRUARY 1989@L DEBUT, INTERCEPTOR, FEBRUARY 1989@L DIE HARD, ACTIVISION, MARCH 1989@L DOUBLE DRAGON, MELBOURNE HOUSE, OCTOBER@L DRAGON NINJA, OCEAN, DECEMBER@L ECHELON, U.S. GOLD, JANUARY 1989@L ELIMINATOR, HEWSON, NOVEMBER@L ELITE, FIREBIRD, NOVEMBER@L ESPIONAGE, GRANDSLAM, NOVEMBER@L EYE OF HORUS, LOGOTRON, MARCH 1989@L F.O.F.T, GREMLIN, OCTOBER@L FINAL ASSAULT, EPYX, OCTOBER@L FINAL COMMAND, UBI SOFT, DECEMBER@L FIRE BRIGADE, PANTHER GAMES, NOVEMBER@L FISH, RAINBIRD, NOVEMBER@L FORGOTTEN WORLD, CAPCOM/GO!, MARCH 1989@L GALDREGONS DOMAIN, INTERCEPTOR, OCTOBER@L GHOSTS 'N' GOBLINS, ELITE, FEBRUARI 1989@L GREEN BERET, IMAGINE, OCTOBER@L GREASED LIGHTNING, THE BIG APPLE, JANUARY 1989@L GUERILLA WAR, IMAGINE, OCTOBER@L GUNSHIP, MICROPROSE, MARCH 1989@L HARRIER STRIKE MISSION II, THE BIG APPLE, NOVEMBER@L HELLBENT, NOVAGEN, OKTOBER@L HUMAN KILLING MACHINE (SOUNDS LETHAL! - ED.), CAPCOM/GO!, JANUARY 1989@L HYPERFORCE, PRISM LEISURE, FEBRUARY 1989@L ICE YACHTS, LOGOTRON, NOVEMBER@L IRON LORD, UBI SOFT, OKTOBER@L JACKAL, IMAGINE, OKTOBER@L JMP 4, HEWSON, FEBRUARY 1989@L JOAN OF ARC, RAINBOW ARTS, DECEMBER@L JOURNEY, INFOCOM, FEBRUARY 1989@L JUNGLE BOOK, COCKTEL VISION, NOVEMBER@L KALASHNIKOV (FRONT 242? - ED.), HEWSON, JANUARY 1989@L LASERTRAIN, THE BIG APPLE, JANUARY 1989@L LAST DUEL, CAPCOM/GO!, JANUARY 1989@L LED STORM, CAPCOM/GO!, JANUARY 1989@L LIVE AND LET DIE, DOMARK, NOVEMBER@L MAYDAY SQUAD, TYNE SOFT, NOVEMBER@L MECHANIC WARRIOR, LANKHOR, DECEMBER@L MOTOR MASSACRE, GREMLIN, NOVEMBER@L NEUROMANCER, INTERPLAY, NOVEMBER@L OPERATION WOLF, OCEAN, DECEMBER@L OUTLAND, INTERCEPTOR, NOVEMBER@L PAPERBOY, ELITE, FEBRUARY 1989@L PIRATES, MICROPROSE, MARCH 1989@L POWERDROME, ELECTRONIC ARTS, NOVEMBER@L PUFFY'S SAGA, UBI SOFT, OCTOBER@L RAIDERS, LANKHOR, DECEMBER@L RAMBO III, OCEAN, DECEMBER@L REALM OF THE TROLLS, CAPCOM/GO!, DECEMBER@L REPORTER, SATORY, NOVEMBER@L RINGSIDE, E.A.S, NOVEMBER@L ROBOCOP, OCEAN, DECEMBER@L SHOGUN, INFOCOM, MARCH 1989@L SHOOT EM' UP CONSTRUCTION KIT, OUTLAW, NOVEMBER@L SKATEBALL, UBI SOFT, OCTOBER@L SKELTER, NOVAGEN, SEPTEMBER@L SPACE HARRIER, ELITE, JANUARY 1989@L SPACEBALL, CAPCOM/GO!, DECEMBER@L SPACE QUEST II, SIERRA ON-LINE, SEPTEMBER@L SPITTING IMAGES, DOMARK, NOVEMBER@L STORMLORD, HEWSON, DECEMBER@L SUPERMAN, TYNE SOFT, OCTOBER@L TECHNOCOP, GREMLIN, NOVEMBER@L TERRIFIC ISLAND, COCKTEL VISION, NOVEMBER@L THE FOOL'S ERRAND, THE BIG APPLE, NOVEMBER@L THE KRISTAL, PRISM LEISURE, DECEMBER@L THUD RIDGE, THE BIG APPLE, FEBRUARY 1989@L THUNDERBLADE, U.S.GOLD, DECEMBER@L TIGER ROAD, CAPCOM/GO!, NOVEMBER@L TRANSFIGHTER, NOVAGEN, NOVEMBER@L ULTIMATE GOLF, GREMLIN, OKTOBER@L UMS, RAINBIRD, NOVEMBER@L VICTORY ROAD, OCEAN, SEPTEMBER@L VROOM!, LANKHOR, OCTOBER@L WAR IN MIDDLE EARTH, MELBOURNE HOUSE, NOVEMBER@L WEC LE MANS, IMAGINE, DECEMBER@L ZORK ZERO, INFOCOM, FEBRUARY 1989@L @L WELL MORE UP TO DATE, WHEN THE NEXT ISSUE ARRIWES, I'M REALLY LOOKING FORWARD TO SOME OF THESE GAMES!, SO NOW YOU KNOW WHICH GAME(S) TO BUY FOR X-MAS!@L @L YOU KNOW: A PROGRAM WORTH USING IS A PROGRAM WORTH BUYING! (SEND A COPY HAHA!)@L @L NOTE: WE HAVE MORE TITLES, BUT SINCE WE, NOR THE COMPANY DON'T KNOW WHEN THE RELEASE DATE IS, I CONSIDER THAT IT'S NOT WORTH MENTION THEM.@L @L SEE YA IN THE NEXT ISSUE@L @L @BREX 'THE HIGHSCORE KILLER'@N@L @L @S0@L @BTOP FIVE JOYSTICKS:@N@L @L 1. MICRO HANDLER@L 2. TAC-2@L 3. WICO BAT AHNDLE@L 4. JOYBOARD@L 5. RAM DELTA DELUXE@L @L AND THAT'S WHAT REX AND FOETUS THINKS!@L @P @H1"MASTERS OF SCORE" WELL, THIS IS JUST AN IDEA FROM ME, REX, I INTEND TO START A 'MASTERS OF SCORE' LIST, OF ALL THOSE JOYSTICK KILLERS OUT THERE, IF YOU WANT A PART OF IT, THEN DO LIKE THIS: AT THE FIRST THE GAME MUST SAVE HIGHSCORES, ALSO SEND THE DISK TO ME, SO I CAN SEE WETHER YOU'VE PLAYED IT WITH TRAINER (SHAME) OR JUST THE NORMAL WAY.@L @L SO SEND THE DISK TO ME, NATURALLY YOU GET THE DISK(S) BACK! (I TAKE NO RESPONSIBILITY WHATSOEVER FOR THIS THING! - ED) GAMES LIKE:@L @L GREAT GIANA SISTERS, SUMMER OLYMPIAD, KATAKIS, PINBALL WIZARD, CAPONE, CRAZY CARS, AND THE REST, THAT SAVES HI-SCORES.@L @L NOTE: IF YOU GET CAUGHT WITH CHEATING, YOU WILL BE DISQULIFIED (HA HA) AND MENTIONED IN OUR MAGAZINE AS A GOD DAMN FUCKIN' CHEATER!@L @L SO GO ON AND SEND THE HI-SCORES TO ME, REX ....YOU HAVE MY ADDRESS IN OUR GREAT MEGA-DEMOS!@L @L BY THE WAY HAS ANYONE GOT 18,19 ON TRIPLE JUMP (SUMMER OLYMPIAD?) HA HA@L @L WELL THE NEXT TIME IT WILL BE GREAT, SHOWING YOU WHO'S THE 'MASTERS OF SCORE'@L @L @BREX@N @P @H1"SHIT! I HAVE A VIRUS ON MY DISK!" _____Virus Column by @BSTARFIRE.@N@L @L Do you recognize that? Well, if you do, then this column might help you to understand somewhat more about virus and other nasty programs.@L @L As you might have heard, I wrote a virus once to hunt down and kill other viruses, but that didn't hit home. It became classed as a 'dangerous' one. The Antivirus as i called it had several safetycatches. One of them is to never save itself to a disk with a nonstandard bootblock. That is that it will NOT destroy f.x. a disk with a bootloader even if you insert the disk unprotected. The only way it spreads itself is if the bootblock contains a virus known to the program or if the disk is installed with the CLI command INSTALL.@L @L I thought that to get a little more spreading of it then I had to let it do that. Well, I think, no I'm sure it has helped someone out there. The Magazine Amiga World had a virus column in the November issue. My antivirus was classed as 'POLITE'. So there! Enough of that.@L @L It isn't difficult to write a virus so I will not describe how. (I don't think the Ed would have liked it.) (Definitely not. - Ed) Instead I will give you a few clues on how to detect a virus in your computers memory. To start you off in your Quest in Virus Mastery:@L @L We have two (at the moment) vectors that is used when you want your virus to survive a reset. They are CoolCapture() and Resident(). CoolCapture() is f.x. used by SCA and Resident() by ByteBandit. If you check these and find a nonzero value I recommend that you do something about it. F.x. zero out the vector and do reset. Vectors are as follows: (provided that you have AbsExecBase in A6) CoolCapture: $2E(A6) Resident: $226(A6)@L @L I have written a VKILL BOOT in which I check these vectors and if nonzero, well, zero out then reset. Then I combined that with a small program that i inserted into the startupsequence. Then if the boot is missing the program complains and wants to write a new vkill boot. A V.E.W.S. System (C) 1988 Starfire. (VIRUS EARLY WARNING SYSTEM that is!)@L @L If the boot IS present then it won't say a shit. The screen goes blue though. If your screen goes blue when booting then check it up. You might have gotten a copy of it. I have had reports that a lot of the bigger groups out there uses it. Copy it to your work disk. I promise on my honour as a ninja that it does not do ANYTHING else than checking the vectors and making a reset if they are altered.@L @L If you have anything new then send it to us. If you want a personal reply or you want us to send something back to you, please send an international reply coupon with it, otherwize we cannot send it back as our moneytransport was robbed last month. Oh, if you want to have a copy of my V.E.W.S. then also send a disk. I won't send out mine. I don't trust you! You might put a virus on it!@L @L Remember that it was here you saw it! EXCELLER 8. The ComputerMag that's got IT where IT counts!@L @L Address: @FVIRUS@N, EXCELLER_8, HEIMDALSGATAN 37, S-261 62 GLUMSLOV, SWEDEN.@L @L @BSTARFIRE 1988@N @P @H1"Alvesta meeting" This collection of syllables is supposed to be an article about the Silents/Topswap-meeting in Alvesta (Sweden) from the third of October until the eighth of October (I guess). Boerni (You know him?) and I (Celebrandil, of course!) left Lund (also Sweden) heading towards Alvesta Thursday afternoon by train. We were accompanied by Zark of Silents (of Crackforce 5 at that moment). The trip lasted for about two and a half hour and we enjoyed ourselves (and the rest of the cabin) playing chess (intelligent people play that game, you know).@L @L In Alvesta we met a guy from the Silents (an ex-member. I can't remember his name, sorry!) and we walked (more than a kilometer, I guess) to the school carring our too heavy boxes. Finally we arrived (and all the lamers greeted us shouting for joy). We made ourselves comfortable in the headquarter surrounded by the arranging groups.@L @L There were already a lot of lamers occupying the cellar and the classrooms on the ground floor. On the first floor a bunch of sleepy creatures were scattered all over the place. Not far away from the school was a supermarket and later that evening we went there to buy some stuff in order to survive. We bought six litres of coke, a bread, butter and a packet of crackers. In the middle of the night, when I wanted to open the packet of butter, someone had stamped on it and the butter was impossible to use. I will kill that stupid mortal being!@L @L Back to reality. There were no bigger groups at the meeting at this time (except North Star and the Silents, of course), but later two friends from Fairlight arrived. Armed with guns and beer Strider and Excalibur entered the school and all the lamers fled down into the celler. After a couple of beers, Strider fought honourably against all the communist lamers; the arrangers didnt like it at all. At two o'clock three members of Def Jam came and joined our little party. Il Scuro (DJ), Boerni, Lorien(DJ), the ex-member of the Silents and I founded a new programming-group. We were already working on different games and thought that it would be valuable to cooperate.@L @L Next day we went to a nearby pizza bar and after approximately one hour we got to order our food. There were so many impolite lamers there before we came. We ate our pizzas in two minutes making up strategies for our gameproduction and left the place.@L @L You probably want to know how many individuals there were visiting the meeting. I dont know the ultimate figure, but as we left Alvesta Saturday morning there were at least three hundred.@L @L On Friday I worked on my Ray-Tracing program (I will tell you more about Ray-tracing in later issues) and a program including filled vector-graphics. Boerni and the ex-member of the Silents tried to create a new DOS and a racing-game. Strider was still fighting furiously using his Excalibur (ha, ha, ha, ho, ho, ho, very funny, indeed. You have read about King Arthur, haven't you).@L @L The number of lamers was increasing dramatically. That night the school-bell suddenly started to sound and everyone thought that the police was coming (Your ultimate chance, Strider!). The stupid bell didnt want to end and the arrangers assembled the attendants on the ground floor to find the fool who had started the bell. After about two noisy hours the lamers returned to the cellar and continued playing games and eating food.@L @L After a lot of sleepless hours we left the meeting. Boerni and Zark went back to Lund and I went to London with my friend Morgan. In London we met three members of Quoram (I dont remember their nicknames). We had a really good time together, though we didnt stay in East Ham for more than a couple of hours.@L @L P.S!! Paul, give your little sister a big kiss, will you?@L @L @BWritten by Celebrandil of North Star/Fairlight @N @C @H1"Competition time!!" As any other decent (?) magazine, Exceller 8 must have a competition. This time it's going to be a question for all you pop-freaks out there.@L @L All we wan't to know is on which of SABRINAS two biggest talents is there a little birthmark? Is it on her right one or on her left one?@L @L Answers on a big bra to:@L Sabrina comp@L Exceller 8@L Heimdalsgatan 37@L S-261 62 Glumslov@L Sweden@L @L To arrive before JANUARY 15 1989.@L @L Members of NS/FLT are not allowed to enter competition.@L @L The lucky winner will receive a big poster of the fab singer. (-Ed) @P @H1"ADVERTISMENTS !" @BAttention !@N@L @L Is there a graphical artist living in south-Sweden who are very,very good at painting ? Are you good at painting animated aliens and backdrops for a shoot'em up game like Katakis ?@L @L Are you interested in making money developing an amiga game ?@L @L If that's the case, please contact me(@FAtom@N) for more information at: Christoffer Nilsson, Juligatan 7, 252 52 Helsingborg. Or call me at: 042-153302.@L @L @FThis is your chance to get a free ad in this magazine.@N@L @L All ad's in the next issue (# 2) will be @FFREE@N. That means that you can send us your ad (6 lines of 35 characters) and we will put it in the magazine for you. And all that for nothing! But we will only accept@F one@N ad from each group or person.@L @L Like this:@L Exceller 8 is looking for the@L lyrics to the old @BKim Wilde@N hit@L Cambodia. If you have it, please@L send us a copy. Kim Wilde, Exceller@L 8, Heimdalsgatan 37, S-261 62,@L Glumslov, Sweden@L @L From issue # 3 it will cost 10 Swedish crowns to put an ad in Exceller 8.@L @L (-Ed)@L @L @S0@L @BALWAYS REMEMBER THE 5 BEST DEMO MAKERS, NORTH STAR ^ FAIRLIGHT, WILD COPPER, ANTITRAX 2010, MEGAFORCE, IAN & MIC.@N@L @P @H1"Letters!!" A couple of weeks ago NORTH STAR recieved a letter which I think is very fascinating. We have re-printed it exactly the same way it was written:@L @L @L Hello guyz!@L @L You don't know me I guess! (I'm Terraman of @BSTARFIRE INC.@N) I can't imagine how you couldn't have heard of us! Maybe because you're on Amiga only?! You can't have heard of us, whereas you have a member called STARFIRE? He @Fmust@N change his name, because it's @Fvery@N unsmart to have the same names! We are going to release an Amiga demo soon... that's why it's unsmart! We have been called @BSTARFIRE@N for more than 3 years now! The prof is enclosed! A 5 1/4 disc with some of our 64 demos! (keep the disc by the way) (No one in NORTH STAR owns a 64 anymore - Ed) Your quite cool at coding really! If you are interested in swapping then send some 3 1/2 discs to me!!! But the fact is that the dude in your cool group will have to change his name, because we had the name first! If you don't beleive us then try to ask one of the following guyz: Karl XII of Sphinx, Finnish gold, TMC, TBB, TSK,DDN, Parsec, and so on! In fact - anyone with a 64'@L I hope we can find out of this in a pieceful way!@L Send back if you wan't to swap cool stuff!@L @L @BSTARFIRE INC.@N @L @L @L Hmmm. What can I say. If you hoped that i will change@B MY@N name then you're wrong. I have been using that name before you even could walk. (Or talk for that matter!) I laugh at your pityful attempt of a threat.@L @L If you want to use @BMY@N name then you will have to come and visit me, and convince__me__that__I_will_not_need @BMY@N name anymore. I can say you this though, I gained that name in training. When throwing shurikens with lightning speed. (Ninja stars for those who didn't know.)@L @L My advice to you is that it would be simpler if @BYOU@N changed @BYOUR@N name. @BSTARFIRE@N is a person. Not an incorporation. That person is @BME@N! I will have my shurikens and ninja-to handy for when you feel like to visit me.@L @L @K@BRIN, PYO, TOH, SHA, KAI, JIN, RETSU, ZAI, ZEN!@N I am ready! Greetings from @BSTARFIRE@N, the @FONE AND ONLY!@N @L @L @L @BI wonder if there are any groups called FOETUS INC. out there. Ooooooh I'm shivering. - Ed@N@L @L @L @C @H1"BUSTED BY THE MAIL!" WELL THIS BLOODY THING JUST HAPPEND TO ME (REX), WHEN I WAS USING TAPED STAMPS FOR BETTER ECONOMY (HEHE), IT WENT REALLY GOOD, BUT THEN AFTER SOME TIME, I BEEN TOLD FROM SOME OF MY CONTACTS HAD TO PAY FOR MY LETTER, SORRY FOR THAT, THEY HAD EVEN TEARED APART SOME STAMP SO THEY WERE USELESS (ISN'T THAT RIGHT MICHAEL - BEASTIE BOYS!).@L @L WELL I'M NOT THAT KIND OF PERSON THAT GIVES UP EASILY, SO I WENT ON, JUST IN THE SAME ORDER, WELL THEN ONE DAY A POLICE WAS CALLING ME UP, (SHIT WAS I SCARED MAN). HE ASKED ME IF IT WAS ME (REX), WELL IT WAS (SHIT). WELL HE SAID IT'S ABOUT THOSE SENDINGS YOU'VE MADE, THE TAPED STAMPS, (FUCKING SHIT THAT WAS MY THOUGHT), I SAID YES, WHAT'S THE MATTER, HEHE?!?, HE TOLD ME, THAT HE WANTED TO HAVE A CHAT WITH ME, O.K. I SAID, WELL WE WAS DECIDING WHICH TIME FOR ME TO ARRIVE.@L THEN FINALLY DOWN AT THE POLICE STATION, HE WAS ASKING ME HOW MANY LETTERS I'VE SENT AND TO WHICH COUNTRIES, WELL I TOLD HIM THE RIGHT ANSWERS (DID I???) NO NOT EXACTLY, BUT ONE HAS TO BE A LITTLE CAREFUL, WE DON'T WANT ANY REALLY BAD ECONOMY (HEHE).@L @L SO I TOLD HIM THAT I SWAP WITH ABOUT 15-20 PERSONS (BIGGEST LIE EVER MADE), AND THAT I HAVE SENT 25-30 LETTERS (NOW THAT'S THE SECOND LIE), WELL HE WANTED TO KNOW IF I HAD A JOB, I SAID NO NOT AT THE MOMENT, HE WANTED TO KNOW HOW MUCH MONEY I WAS MAKING ON ONE YEAR, NOT THAT MUCH I TOLD HIM, WELL AFTER SITTING THERE IN ABOUT 1 HOUR, I WAS FREE TO GO.@L @L THEN A WEEK AFTER HE WAS PHONING ME UP, TELLING ME, THAT IT WAS MY FIRST TIME, SO I DIDN'T HAVE TO PAY ANYTHING, LUCKY ME...BUT HE TOLD ME IF THESE THINGS HAPPENED AGAIN WE WON'T BE THAT NICE O.K. I SAID NO WORRY MAN, IT'S THE LAST TIME, BUT IT WASN'T THE WEEK AFTER I SENT SOME LETTERS TO MY CONTACTS, JUST PAYING THE NORMAL PRICE, NO NOT ANY TAPED STAMPS THIS TIME, BUT A LITTLE CHEATING ANYWAY, IT WENT A WEEK, AND I THOUGHT WELL WHERE'S THE LETTERS THEN?!?!?, THEN THE DAY AFTER, I'VE GOT THIS PARCEL (BIG) FROM THE POST OFFICE.@L @L SO I WENT TO GET IT, THEN TO MY DEEPEST SORROW, I SAW THE LETTERS THAT I'VE SENT FOR SOME WEEK AGO, I THOUGHT,@L -FUCKING SHIT MAN, HAD TO SEND THEM RIGHT AWAY AGAIN, THIS TIME I WAS PAYING FOR THE STAMPS, BUT AS I TOLD BEFORE, WITH A LITTLE CHEATING, I'VE PUTTED EXPRESS ON ALL OF EM' WITHOUT PAYING FOR IT, AND THEN SENDING THE LETTERS BACK AGAIN, SO I HOPE THAT ALL YOU CONTACTS WILL UNDERSTAND O.K...@L @L I WILL BE GOOD IN THE FUTURE....GOOD.....VERY GOOD....OH WELL WE'LL JUST HAVE TO SEE......HAHA.....@L NOTE: THIS IS A FAIR WARNING TO YOU OTHER PEOPLE THAT 'FIX' YOUR STAMPS!....@L @L @BREX@N@L @L @L @C @H1"GAME REVIEWS"@BHYBRIS@N@L @L Just when i was beginning to feel that verticaly type of games had been gone dead, Hybris reaches my Amiga and proves to me that there is still life in those old fashion shoot em ups.@L @L I must say this one belongs to the best I've seen for a very long time. The basic idea is to fly a spaceship up a vertically scrolling landscape, blasting everything that moves.@L @L There are four stages and after each stage you have to shoot a very big and ugly alien. You can also pick up extra firepower if you wipe out a wole wave of nasties. That will make it easier to proceed in the game.@L @L The graphics are exactly what you would expect from a machine like the Amiga, it is colourful and detailed. It's got everything. Also the sound is very good especially the spot effects. The background tune never gets boring. What more is there to say?@L @L @BAZID@N gives @BHYBRIS@N 4 out of 5.@L @L @L @BRoger Rabbit@N@L @L At last it is here, the Walt Disney figure Roger Rabbit. The game is based on the movie which is quite cool. The graphics and sound are brilliant.@L @L The gameplay starts with you sitting in a car driving and competing with your enemy. There are four levels to play. The starting level is on the road. The second level is in the pub, the third level is the same as level one and the final level is set in the factory where you have to save the girl.@L The sound is good but it is much better with one megabyte of memory. You also need two disk drives to play the game properly.@L @L @BAZID@N gives @BROGER RABBIT@N 3 out of5.@L @L @L @BHellfire@N@L @L This game comes from a quite unknown company called @BAkaido@N and perhaps that is the reason why the game is so boring and bad.@L @L What you should do in this game is not hard to explain. You see your helicopter from the back and in front of you there are aeroplanes and other helicopters. You are shooting all the time so its just to stear left, right, up and down. To me this looks very much like a cheap version of @BAfter Burner@N.@L @L The graphics and the sound is not much to talk about. The final statement will be: Don't buy it, don't play it and if you allready have it, throw it away.@L @L @BSlaine@N gives @BHellfire@N 1 out of 5.@L @L @L @BCrash and Burn@N@L @L This sounds like a real shoot and kill'em game, but it's not. In this game you are driving a car and when other vehicles are appearing on the screen your job is to push them out of the road.@L @L For example there are motor bikes, lorries and so on. If you get in to serious problems you can solve them by pressing fire then the car will jump up in the sky.@L @L The worst thing about this game is that you have to start all over again when you die.@L @L The graphics in this game are not splended but they are good enough and that goes for the music as well. But if you look at it overall, it's quite a good game and it's fun to play.@L @L @BSlaine@N gives @BCrash and Burn@N 3 outof 5.@L @L @L @BOUTRUN@N@L @L The only game I like is Apache Strike on the MacIntosh. I am a professional on that game...Today I have tried the geem Outrun. There you are driving a big Ferrari with fat tires and lots of horsepowers. It is almost as fast as my old Volvo Amazon. @L @L During the game you are supposed to have full throttle all the time. In the long turns on the the motorway on which you are driving, you will notice strange noises from your tires. Don't bother about that, just keep full throttle. You will meet other cars when you are driving, Beetles, Porches and astonishing fast trucks, but ofcourse you are the fastest.@L @L I liked the game quite a lot. I give this game four points out of five, well almost four.@L @L @BLUFTWAFFE@N@L @C @H1"ROLEPLAYING" Hello folks! This is STARFIRE writing. They said 'Write something about roleplaying'. Well, here we go! In adventuregames like The Pawn f.x. you have the computer to keep track of everything. In roleplaying games (RPG from here on.) you have a GamesMaster(GM) to keep track of everything. How boring, I hear you say. Well I can say this much,to be a GM is great fun as the players sometimes comes up with more problems than I have chucked at them. And a GM doesn't say 'You can't do that! What now?'(If he does,kill him, because he is no good as a GM). To write about RPG's isn't easy. One advantage from Adventure Games is that you can be more than one playing. Any number in fact. This depends on how crazy your GM is.@L @L I'm Crazy enough! Flexibility isn't the first you think of when you speak of Adventure Games (I'm thinking about shorting it to AG). In RPG's the GM's imagination is the only limit. If you play with a GM who's imagination is on the same level as, say Darth Vader, well then you're in for some serious trouble.@L @L When I haven't had time to write an adventure I just improvise. That is just as fun as running a bought adventure or writing one yourself. No Limits! And your players can do a lot more wacky things when playing RPG's. One of my friends, Leslie, plays a Bountyhunter in StarWars. Once he fried two jawas with a flamethrower for poking around in the heap of metal that once were a robot. It's amazing what a heavy blaster can do!@L @L So to summarize RPG's its just some crazy dudes sitting around a table rolling funny looking dice, and speaking in voices sounding very strange. If you want to have a look at one RPG then I can recommend that you have a look at Games Workshop's Warhammer Fantasy Roleplay. Its really worth its price. Bye for now and may the Force be with you.@L @L @BSTARFIRE@N @P @H1"A LESSON IN SWEDISH" These are the English phonetic pronunciations of some common Swedish sentences.@L @L S: Foar yaa(g) byewdah poa ehn siggahreht?@L E: Can I buy/offer you a cigarette?@L @L S: Haar vee inter trehfathts furrewt?@L E: Haven't we met before?@L @L S: Foar yaa(g) byewdah poa ehn drink?@L E: Can I buy/offer you a drink?@L @L S: Vehntahr nee poa noagon?@L E: Are you waiting for somebody?@L @L S: Haar nee lewst aht taa ehn beeltewr?@L E: Do you wan't go for a car-ride.@L @L S: Vaa(d) aer ayrt tehlerfoannewmerr?@L E: What's your telephone number?@L @L S: Foar yaa(g) furlyah ayr hehm?@L E: May I follow you home?@L @L S: Boor nee ehnsahm?@L E: Do you live by yourself?@L @L S: Hewr dahgss goarr ayr sistah bewss?@L E: When does your last bus leave?@L @L S: Goar nee oftah heet?@L E: Do you come here often?@L @L @L From "@BSwedish for travellers@N" Published by Berlitz. Extract from the part "Dating".@L @L @BCRAB@N @P @H1"LONDON, A PARADISE?" I have visited the capital of Great Britain for three days, I'm quite shocked.@L @L I have never before seen so many strange "people" together in one place. If you look normal, with normal clothes and normal hair then you dont fit in. The more ugly you look the better it is. Blue or red hair, stupid clothes and shoes leaking water. Why doesn't Mrs Thatcher do anything about it. She is called the iron-lady but she has totally missed London. Does she never walk around in the town were she lives? Does she never travel by the underground, or eat at McDonalds? Obviously not. Somebody must buy her better glasses.@L @L The music shall be as bad as possible to sell well in London. "Artists" like Bros, Pet shop boys, Rick Astley and Sigue sigue sputnik are selling lots of records to the stupid buyers. Salt 'n pepa has got a hit with an old Beatles song. They should be put in jail for that with nothing else than salt and pepper to eat, and they should not be let out until they made good music.@L @L The editor of this magazine asked me to go to the cinema and see a new film. No way, I won't see a new, modern so called film together with idiots. Instead I spent three hours watching the four year old musical Chess and enjoyed it very much, that's entertainment.@L @L The hotels in London are bad and ridiculously expensive at the same time. For one lousy single room you have to pay £ 75 for one night. For that money you can live in your own flat for two weeks. The breakfast costs £ 5.70, almost s-i-x quid, that's madness. I of course skipped the breakfast.@L @L From the outside the hotels look very good. They are big, white buildings with roman pillars and an impressive entrance. But when you have checked in and left the foyer you can hear the stairs creaking under you and the floors are dirty with torn carpets. The walls are not better and the paintwork in the ceiling is falling off. It takes five minutes to get hot water from the tap and if it's cold outside you have to sleep with your clothes on. The TV-screen is so small you have to use a magnifying glass and you still can't see Sabrina clear enough. If you turn on the radio instead, they only play those new disguisting british hits.@L @L London is a paradise if you are a maniac.@L @L I'm not.@L @L I prefer Hollywood.@L @L @L @BLUFTWAFFE@N @C @H1"MUSIC VIDEOS" Yes it's time for music videos or to put it short MTV. The music video has become big business, both for the artist and the record company. It is almost impossible to release a single nowadays without the help of a music video to accompany it. The sole purpose of a music video is to boost the sales of the record and in the end make more money to the record company. Most of the videos made today are made by the same companys that make the commercials on tv. This means that they use the same "tricks" to sell washing powder as when they make a music video. @L @L As everything else, there are always trends in music video making. Since most of the videos we see are made in either England or USA, there are a couple of setups that are common for each country. The americans have the "story-line" videos (Michael Jackson) and the big live videos (heavy metal or hard rock bands), the brits have the collage videos (M.A.R.R.S.) and the "artistic" videos (Cocteau twins).@L Todays trend seems to be to make it either with lots of colours (Pet shop boys, Elton John, A-ha, Spandau ballet), or very little or no colours at all (almost all french videos, Sam Brown, Julia Fordham, Talking heads, Toni Childs). Or edit it all together into one big mess (Sonic Youth!!)@L @L All the video reviews mentioned below are personal opinions of the staff of Exceller 8 and is to be taken seriously. (-Ed)@L @L @L @BTanita Tikaram@N@L "Twist in my sobriety"@L One of the best black and white videos ever!@L @L @C@BHouse of love@N@L "Destroy the heart"@L Fab editing. Great song.@L @L @BSonic youth@N@L "Teenage riot"@L Total video mayhem! Roll on!!@L @L @BInnercity@N@L "Big fun"@L Acid tits.@L @L @BEnya@N@L "Orinoco flow"@L Great coloring, great song. The best number one in the U.K. this year. Beautiful!@L @L @BSam Brown@N@L "This feeling"@L Lame song, arty video -Hey Sam, make a face.@L @L @BSandra@N@L "Secret land"@L Perhaps her best video, but sounds the same as usual. Nice nose!@L @L @BMichael Jackson@N@L "Smooth criminal"@L Another Steven Spielberg production?@L @L @BMaiken Wexo @N"Now you know what theM stands for!"@L @L @BTom Jones and Art of Noise@N@L "Kiss"@L No comments.@L @L @BJane Wiedlin@N@L "Rush hour"@L Just watch her play the guitar. My heart melts! I'm in love!!@L @L @BPrefab sprout@N@L "King of rock n roll"@L Albaqurque(!?!) Hilarious, that's the word!@L @L @BPip Dann@N - Nice hairdo, cute as ever.@L @L @BBobby Mcferrin@N@L "Don't worry, be happy"@L Outrageously boring song and does the video go along with it? Probably! Don't listen, don't bother.@L @L @BBrother beyond@N@L "Harmony times"@L Low-budget @BWham@N. Diluted. Almost as bad as Level 42.@L @L @BBlissfully unaware@N - A ten second masterpiece.@L @L @BBVSMP@N@L "?" (The latest)@L Magnificent. Brilliant. Absolutely essential. Only beaten by @BMilli vanilli@N. Forget @BMichael Jackson@N.@L @L @BPhil Collins@N@L "Groovy kind of love"@L ZZZZZZZZZZZ@L @L Number of privatly owned machine guns in @BAmerica@N - 183.000.@L @L @BGuns and roses@N@L "Welcome to the jungle"@L Let's just hope the audience gets the lyrics, especially the all american blond girl.@L @L @BKim Wilde@N@L "You came"@L Woohaa! Best ass!@L @L @BJulia Fordham@N@L "Woman of the 80's"@L Squeaky clean. @FThe@N woman of the 80's.@L @L @BRoxy music@N@L "Let's stick together"@L Nice tie.@L @L Most hated commercial - Benetton.@L @L @BSabrina@N@L "All of me"@L Yes, we wan't all of you. Now! (Who put a bra on @BSabrina@N!?! - Ed.)@L @L @BBananarama@N@L "Nathan jones"@L Same old quality stuff. I love'em.@L @L @BCenterfold@N@L "Money"@L Banana rip off.@L @L @BKim Wilde@N@L "Never trust a stranger"@L Sounds like a "Kids in america"re run. Back to the golden hits, orhalf way at least.@L @L @BYazz@N@L "Stand up for your love rights"@L Groovy!@L @L @BMilli vanilli@N@L "Girl you know it's true"@L What can we say. Best video of 1988! Stunning performance. Best script and best acting "You really mean that much to me". Winner of the golden X-8 award (You know it's true).@L @L @BThe man with no name - yet!@N @P @H1"QUOTES" Ladies and gentlemen, I'd like to do a song now that tells a little story, that really makes a lot of sense...@L Awopbopaloobopalopbamboom!! Tootie Fruttie!! All Rootie!!@L @BLittle Richard on TV, 1956@N@L @L Wanted: Narcissistic Fender rhythm guitarist for up-and-coming rock band. Minimal technique OK.@L @BAd in "Village voice", New York@N@L @L The music is all. People should die for it. People are dying for everything else, so why not the music?@L @BLou Reed@N@L @L It really tripped me out to see all those girls screaming for him...that was the main appeal. And the fact that the person who did that didn't look as if he worked.@L @BSammy Hagar, on seeing Elvis on "The Ed Sullivan Show" when young@N@L There's a lot of things blamed on me that never happened. But then, there's a lot of things that I did that I never got caught at.@L @BJohnny Cash@N@L @L I don't understand why people think it's so incredibly difficult to learn to play a guitar. I found it incredibly easy. You just pick a chord, go twang, and you've got music.@L @BSid Vicious@N@L @L If you can really get it together in three minutes...that's what pop songs are all about.@L @BDebbie Harry, Blondie@N@L @L The stage is a holy place, you do not get up there and degrade it.@L @BGene Simmons, Kiss@N@L @L That record sounds like God hit the world and the world hit God back.@L @BPhil Spector on "River Deep Mountain High"@N@L My ambition is to have as many guitars as @BRick Wakeman@N has sparkles on his cape. That would be mind-boggling, terrific. I saw him playing in the States. He was pushing a Mellotron over an ice rink on skates, trying to catch it. That's art.@L @BRicky Neilson, Cheap Trick@N@L @L I can't think of anything I fear more, except possibly a nuclear holocaust.@L @BFort Worth Hotelier, on the imminent arrival of a Led Zeppelin tour@N@L @L I was in the studio one day at 706 Union Avenue and my secretary noticed that young man going by, very shy, and he wanted me to make this record for his mother's birthday.@L @BSam Phillips, head of Sun Records, on the arrival of Elvis Presley@N@L @L @BAll quotes from The Book Of Rock Quotes 1982 - Ed.@N @C @H1"LP, CD and Concert video Reviews" @K@BThe Waterboys@N@L@BFisherman's Blues@N@L @L It took @BMike Scott@N and his band three years to complete the long awaited follow up to their last lp "This is the sea". And my expectations were big, really big. @BThe Waterboys@N have gradually developt their music over their three previous albums, which is best described as "Big rock-music", with lots of added piano, violins and saxophones and other instruments.@L @L And with this album the Waterboys take a step backwards and at the same time a step forward. Adding more of the old Irish folkmusic into their music. Tuning down their "Big music" a bit.@L @L The record is divided into two parts really. the first five songs (one by @BVan Morrison@N) sounds very Waterboyish and they were recorded in -86 and -87, they carry on where "This is the sea" left us. One song is co-written with @BKarl Wallinger@N (former Waterboy, now in his own band @BWorld Party@N), and it's of course entitled "World Party". The rest of the songs takes us further "out in the fields". Some of the songs sounds as if they were recorded directly live in some pub somewhere.@L @L This album is an excellent collection of songs. And like all Waterboys records, it takes a while before you really "capture" the album. But it grows with every listening. @L @L Unfortunately there were no lyrics included (at least not in my CD version), A pity because Mike Scott write some very good lyrics, and there is always a good storyline in them. And as I said a little step backwards, since he has already found "The big music" this is perhaps another way to look at it or a way to broad it.@L @L Still it sounds very good.@L @L @BThe__man__with_no_name_-_yet!@N_gives@B The Waterboys@N 3 and a half fish out of five.@L @L @L @B@KSonic Youth@N@L @BDaydream Nation@N@L @L @BSonic Youth@N is back!! This time with a double album. This is the most @Belectric@N record I've ever heard. The electricity and energy just pours out of my speakers.@L @L Sonic Youth sets out at such a pace that your heart has problems keeping up and when they finally lower the tempo, you are able to take a deep breath and relax, just for__a__short__time._This_record_is @Kthat@N intense. And in the slower parts you can feel the energy gathering for a new outburst. Poooh!@L @L The record sounds typically Sonic Youthish (? - Ed), with all their weird noises and guitar sounds, and it is a very thightly recorded album. Not that much "experimental" though.@L @L It's a straight forward rock'n roll record. The sonic way! And a masterpiece!!@L @L @BThe__man__with_no_name_-_yet!@N_gives@B Sonic Youth@N 4 screwdrivers between the guitarstrings out of 5.@L @L @L @L @B@KAbout Jean-Michel Jarre@N@L @L Hello everybody!@L After I bought @BJarre@N's latest creation, @BRevolutions@N, and listened to it a couple of times I became a bit dissapointed. I think that his style has changed alot and also his taste for real synth-music.@L @L In 1977, when @B"Oxygene"@N came, it was something that nobody had ever heard before and it became a great success. After that "@BEquinox@N" made every synth-lover fly. Then, if I'm not mistaken, "@BMagnetic Fields@N" came with it's fabulous sound and new machines, Jarre starts to 'fool around' with samplers, for example jet-plane-sound and train-sound.@L @L I think that Jarre's best music comes from "Equinox" and "Magnetic fields". But "@BRendevous@N" is not so bad, in fact it has the best sound. "@BConcert In China@N" is a mix of "Equinox", "Oxygene" and "Magnetic Fields" and also his own chinese music.@L @L Jarre is among the best composers of synth-music but there is also @BVangelis@N, who makes more like 'classic music'. I like Vangelis' @B "Chariots Of Fire"@N very much. But somehow I find the rest of Vangelis' music (except "Chariots Of Fire") boring.@L @L @BTitan@N gives @BRevolutions@N 3 out of 5@L @C @H1"HEAVY METAL" @K@BOzzy Osbourne@N@L @BNo rest for the wicked@N@L @L The old demonrocker @BOzzy Osbourne@N strikes again with what seems to be one of the best records this year.@L @L Songs like "Miracle man" and "Breaking all the rules" are among the real highlights. "Fire in the sky" is a song that reminds me of early Ozzy material, with it's soft acoustic guitars, while "Crazy babies" reminds me of the kind of hard rock that was played during the mid seventies.@L @L The new guitarist, @BZakk Wylde@N, was really something of an adrenalin kick to the old man. His style is old, not like the "@BYngwie Malmsteen@N 100 miles/hour" type of playing. I think it's more comparable with the old phantoms of rock like @BAce Frehley@N (@BKiss@N) and@BAndy Scott (Sweet)@N.@L There's one song that's only available on the compact-disc, called "Hero", which is really worth checking out...You won't be disappointed.@L @L @BSword@N gives @BOzzy Osbourne@N 5 out of5.@L @L @L @K@BCandlemass@N@L @BAncient dreams@N@L @L The___Swedish___heavy___metal__band@B Candlemass@N has just released their third album called "Ancient dreams", and what I find exciting about this band most of all is their ability to play metal so powerfull that any genuine H.M. fan cannot fail to succumb to their charms. "Ancient dreams" is truly a devastating release. Try and imagine an explosive combination of the three greatest @FREAL@N metal units the world has ever witnessed, @BBlack Sabbath, Judas Priest@N and @BManowar@N. Candlemass are the most powerfull power metal band I've ever heard.@L @L With songs like "Mirror Mirror" and "Bearer of pain" they really shake the____foundations.___The___singer, @BMessiah Marcolin@N, shows a voice that is truly in a class of it's own. Combine that with bassist/songwriter @BLeif Edling @N'sability to write powerfull and melodic songs...and it cannot fail to be a success.@L @L @BSword@N gives @BCandlemass@N 5 out of 5 (It's really worth it!)@L @L Other albums worth checking out:@L @L @BManowar@N - Kings of metal@L @BDokken@N - The beast from the east@L @BJason Becker@N - Perpetual Burn@L @BKing Diamond@N - Them@L @L @BSword@N @P @H1"CONCERT VIDEO"@B@KPrince@N@L @BSign of the times@N@L (VHS cassett)@L @L The concert movie @B"Sign of the times"@N has got it all. From the dynamic start with "Sign of the times"__to__the_perfect_ending_with @B'The Cross"@N. In between there is a fabulous mixture of the best songs from the album "Sign of the times". @BPrince@N makes a superb show, every element of prince is there. The costumes, the dance, the sex, the guitar solo's, the show...You name it, he's got it. There is not much to say, if you like prince I recommend that you go out and buy this one at once, and while you are at it, buy a new stereo TV or plug the video into your stereo. Play at maximum volume!. That is the way to hear it.@L @L "Sign of the times" is one of the best concert movies around, that's for sure.@L @L @BThe__man__with_no_name_-_yet!@N_gives@B Prince@N 5 crosses out of 5.@L @L @L @BConcert movie chart@N@L @L These are the most profitable concert movies in the USA during the 80's.@L @L 1. "Stop making sense"@L @BTalking Heads@N@L @L 2. "Bring on the night"@L @BSting@N@L @L 3. "Let's spend the night together"@L @BRolling Stones@N@L @L 4. "Home of the brave"@L @BLaurie Anderson@N@L @L @L @BCRAB@N@L @P @H1"SWEDISH CENSORSHIP IS A CRIME:" YEA THAT'S RIGHT, IN SWEDEN, ALL HORROR AND ACTION MOVIES ARE CENSORED, ALMOST ALL WE HAVE HAD CENSORSHIP SINCE 1935, BELIVE THAT, I DIDN'T THOUGHT THEY MADE ANY VIOLENT MOVIES AT THAT TIME!.@L @L WELL MOVIES LIKE: PRISON, CHAINSAW MASSACRE I,II, DEATH WISH 4, JUST TO NAME A FEW IN THE BIG BIG CROWD.@L @L MOVIES LIKE, ACTION JACKSON, DIE HARD, DEAD HEAT, RED HEAT, RAW DEAL, COMMANDO, COBRA, JUST TO NAME A FEW, HAS BEEN SO CUT, THAT ONE JUST HAVE TO CRY, SOME HAS BEEN CUT 5-6 MINUTES, AND SOME 10-15, AND THAT'S A LOT ON SUCH MOVIES LIKE THIS.@L @L I THINK IT'S A BIG SHAME, TO CUT MOVIES, WHEN THEY HAD SUCH A JOB MAKING THE SPECIAL FX, AND THEN JUST DO A LITTLE CUTTING, SO I'VE STOPPED TO LOOK AT THE MOVIES FOR THEY CUT MORE ON MOVIE THAT GOES ON THE CINEMA, THAN THEY DO ON THE SAME MOVIE, THAT'S ON VIDEO!?!...@L @L NOW THEY EVEN STOP THE GAMES (VIOLENT ONES!?!), GAMES LIKE BARBARIAN, CAPONE, SEX VIXENS, WHEREWOLF, JUST TO NAME SOME, SOME HAVE BEEN STOPPED, AND ARE NOT FOR SALE IN SWEDEN, AND SOME ARE FROM VARIOUS AGES, FOR EXAMPLE IF YOU WANNA BUY BARBARIAN YOU HAVE TO BE 18 YEARS OF AGE, WELL I DON'T GO OUT AND DO SOME CUTTING OF OTHERS HEADS, DO YOU?, THAT'S REDICIOLUS!.@L @L THE WORST THING OF ALL IS THAT WHEN PEOPLE HAVE CABLE TV, THEY DON'T CUT THE MOVIES, WHY THE CENSORSHIP THEN, BECAUSE A LOT OF SWEDISH PEOPLE HAVE CABLE-TV?, WELL THEY WANTED TO CUT THEM AS WELL (CRAZY), BUT THEY WHEREN'T ALLOWED TO DO THAT.@L @L WELL THAT'S SOMETHING ABOUT SWEDISH CENSORSHIP BY REX. @P @H1'Movietime" @BDie Hard@N@L @L I thought this was a German movie...! But I was wrong!! It's one of those American Shoot-em-up movies where you can almost see the letters SCORE: 999 999 in the upper left corner of the screen.@L @L Don't take me wrong, I quite like a good action movie (@BTerminator, Aliens@N). But I think this one has to many cliche's to be good. The movie features a decent peace-loving hero, a sick/mad (stupid!) terrorist leader, a cocain snuffing yuppie, a loyal ex-wife (This is the 80's), a snooping and rude TV-journalist, an honest street cop and an incompetent chief of police.@L @L Director @BJohn Mctiernan's@N last effort___on__the__silverscreen__was @BPredator@N (Do you remember the game?). Contrary to Die Hard, it was an exciting movie where you didn't know what was going to happen next all through the movie. But OK if you ain't got nothing better to do on a Saturday night, it could well be worth a couple of quids. Foetus gives @BDie Hard@N 2 out of 5.@L @L @L @BThe Running Man@N@L @L This is one more @BStephen King@N alias@B Richard Bachman@N novel beeing transformed to the screen. I haven't read the book but it reminds me of another King/Bachman story called @BThe Long Walk@N. Both the Running Man and The Long Walk is about a future where death has become big business and coast to coast entertainment on prime time tv. @L @L The movie stars @BArnold Schwarzenegger@N as the police man Ben Richards who after having refused to kill a lot of innocent people at a food rally, gets sentenced to a long punishment at a work camp. Richards is spotted by the host of the most popular tv-show "The Running Man" when he tries to escape. He is being offered a chance to be free if he submits to take part in the show. Richards and his unarmed companions have to team up against a pugnacious range of well armed fighters.@L @L As all other "King" movies, this one is very well made. The movie gives quite a good feeling of the future television world. A world where you will do almost anything to get a high rating and a big advertising account. The movie is at it's best when it makes fun of all other (present) tv game shows. Unfortunately the story derails at the end with Richards getting even with the cynical game host. Nevertheless a good movie that could have been better.@L @L @BFoetus@N gives The Running Man 3 out of 5.@L @L @L @BPRISON@N@L @L Prison? Another mass-produced horror movie? No! This is one of the best directed horror movies of -88. Featuring a very tight atmosphere created in the same way as the classic @BAlien@N.@L @L A run-down old prison is set up to host a couple of hundred assorted criminals because of lack of space at the ordinary prison. The original warden of the old prison is given the job to run it again. During the clean up of the old prison, the walls to the old execution chamber is torn down, releasing the captured spirit of the last inmate beeing executed in 1964. He is (probably) looking for revenge on the old warden who ran the prison when he was executed.@L @L Lots of dark and steamy cellars and underground tunnels help to make this movie a suspenseful thriller and a cut above the rest of horror movies. Photographed in a very beautiful and competent way plus some very good acting and some unusual special effects makes this movie a treat.@L @L @BFoetus@N gives @BPrison@N 4 out of 5.@L @L (The only thing you like is horror B-movies and SPECTRUM games. -Ohm)@L @L @L @BA CLOCKWORK ORANGE@N@L @L WELL THIS IS AN EXCELLENT MOVIE MADE BY THE DIRECTOR OF FULL METAL JACKET, STANLEY KUBRICK, THE MOVIE IS BASED ON ULTRA-VIOLENCE (MMM).@L @L WELL THE MOVIE IS ABOUT FOUR YOUNG KIDS, THAT'S TERRORISING THE PEOPLE LATE AT NIGHT, VIOLENCE IS HIGHER THAN EVER, AND RAPE IS HIGH SUCH AS ROBBERY, THIS MOVIE IS 17 YEARS OLD, BUT IT'S STILL A DAMN GOOD MOVIE, IT'S IN THE FUTURE OF A VIOLENT SOCIETY, NOT THAT DIFFERENT FROM OURS.@L @L IT'S ABOUT GANGS THAT RAPE, MURDER, AND ROB, THINGS ALWAYS HAPPEND AT NIGHT, ON THE DAYS THEY ARE JUST NORMAL KIDS, O.K. THEY DO NOT GO TO SCHOOL NOR DO THEY WORK, (JUST LIKE YOU REX - ED) (SOUNDS GREAT), BUT LATER ON IN THE MOVIE THE FOUR KIDS START ARGUING WITH EACH OTHER AND THEN ONE GET CAUGHT BY THE POLICE, AND SPENDS THE TIME IN JAIL FOR SOME YEARS, BUT THINGS THAT COME IN MUST COME OUT, SO AFTER SOME YEARS, HE GET OUT, FROM THAT NASTY JAIL, SO HES THINKING OF SOME KIND OF A REAL NASTY REVENGE, WELL FINALLY HE FINDS THEM, AND I'M NOT TELLING YOU WHAT HAPPENS, BECAUSE, I THINK YOU SHOULD SEE IT, (THE REALLY UNCUT VERSION) OFCOURSE WHICH IS 2,13 LONG. AT THE END THE SOCIETY IS PAYING BACK WITH THE SAME TREATMENT....SEE THIS MOVIE IT'S REALLY GOOD....@L @L BLOODY REGARDS.....@L @L @BREX@N GIVES @BA CLOCKWORK ORANGE@N 4 OUTOF 5.@L @L (NOW THAT'S WHAT I CALL A REVIEW! -ED)@L @L MORE REVIEWS IN THE NEXT ISSUE.@L @L @S0@L @BTop ten horror movies:@N@L @L 1. Evil dead 1 & 2@L 2. Hellraiser@L 3. Terror@L 4. Friday the 13th part 6@L 5. Aliens@L 6. Demons@L 7. Day of the dead@L 8. Halloween@L 9. Creepers@L 10.Revenge of the mutant, mixed-up, flesh eating, bloody zombies@L @L Note: number 10 is a New zealand-Greenland-Botswana co- production, it's hard to get indeed!.@L @L List compiled by Rex and Foetus.@L @L @L @P @H1"The Sport!" Here are a couple of articles and letters from Britain's leading newspaper "The Sport".@L @L @BMIRACLE OF CHRIST'S FACE IN PLANK@N@L @L "Ray of light showed it was @FJESUS@N"@L @L Amazed factory workers revealed yesterday how they found Jesus_-_in a plank of wood.@L @L They had stared in disbelief when they saw Christ's face ingrained in wood being used to make a kitchen cabiner. The face_-_identical to the one on the Turin shroud_-_appeared the day the shroud was declared to be a fake. The find has been named the Bacup Plank, after the little Lancashire mill town where it was found.@L @L Foreman John Brereton. 55. who first saw the apprition, said; "I've never seen anything like it."@L @L Cabinet maker Neal Nuttall said; "The chances of these recognisable markings appearing in the veneer are very remote indeed."@L @L @L @BCROSBY AND PRESLEY ON MARS@N@L @L "On Wednesday, November 2. I went to the work's toilet. When I opened the door I found myself on Mars. I heard some shouting coming from behind a rock. Hhen I went to investigate I found Bing Crosby arguing with Elvis Presley and a 18 foot chicken over the rights to Wooden Hearts. Elvis swore to me in a Welsh accent."@L @BANDY CHOD, EDINBURG@N@L @L @BI'M THE SON OF HITLER@N@L @L "I can't keep it a secret any longer_-_I'm the unknown son of Adolf Hitler.@L @L And I have to tell all you people out there that my dad is a kind man and is alive and well and working as a bouncer in Liverpool.@L @L My dad said it was about time I was known to the world. I now live in Banstead and work as a security guard.@L @L I used to belong to a band in Germany called Hitler and the Ham Butties. I moved to England in 1982."@L @BHANS JON HITLER. BANSTEAD SURREY@N@L @L All material from "The Sport" Wednesday, November 23, 1988@L @L Have you seen a funny, crazy, fantastic, weird, trashy, mad, outrageous, hilarious or stupid article in a Newspaper or a Magazine? If you have , rip it out and send it to us and we might print it. Don't forget to tell us where you got it from.@L @L Weird@L Exceller 8@L Heimdalsgatan 37@L S-261 62 Glumslov@L Sweden@L @P @H1"Pure Madness" How to do a horizontal scroll (5 bitplanes) in 0.24 raster lines.@L Ehh, Well I don't know !!!@L You tell me !!!!!!@L Now over to someting totally different!@L @L Discoteques in Helsingborg (Sweden).@L Yep, here's a nice article about the night-life in Helsingborg. Why Helsingborg ? Well, you tell me.... Maybe because we live in Helsingborg (from now on HBG). And because HBG is the coolest city in Sweden where the coolest dudes in Sweden lives (Yep!). We will discuss where an 17.82 year old boy/girl__can__go._That_is_ofcourse @Bnowhere@N if you haven't got a false Id-card.@L @L If you got one then the only answer is: Go to Denmark and visit RITZ (Yeahhh!) (Hi Foetus. Thanks for the ferry-tickets!). Ritz is a nice disco with FREE BEER (Hick!) ! Well, I think you got the message now. So let's talk about something else !!!@L @L How to do a North Star DRINK (On the rocks!) !!!@L First get hold of a bottle of gin (1 liter).@L 2 liters of Orange Fanta (Sugar free. 1 calory).@L 1 package of fine crunched sugar (Yeah, Use time-cruncher!?!).@L A bunch of ice cubes.@L 10 lamers, oooops, sorry.... 10 lemons (Hello FJERT!!).@L 4 spoons.@L 2 glasses.@L 1 ruler.@L 2 hands.@L 2 life insurances.@L 1 Swedish/English@L dictionary/ordbok.@L @L When you got all that stuff then proceed with:@L (We will try to explain it as easy as possible.)@L Hints:@L y=6-6 sin(2x+18) , sin(u+v)=sin u*cos v+cos u*sin v. Squeeze the lemons. And pure it in can nr 1. Put some crunched sugar in spoon nr 1 and in spoon nr 4. Put glass nr 1 on the table. Insert spoon nr 2 in glass nr 1. Put glass nr 2 beside glass nr 1. Insert spoon nr 3 in the glass beside glass nr 1. Pure some ( f(1.5) cm) gin in glass nr 1. pure some ( f(1.47)+.92 cm) gin in glass nr 2. (Ps Hint. f'(x)=2x+.5x) Pure som Fanta into glass nr 2 and glass nr 1. Insert spoon nr 1 into glass 2. Withdraw spoon nr 3 from glass 2. Insert spoon nr 4 into glass 1. Withdraw spoon nr 2 from glass 3. Wiggle spoon nr 1 and nr 4. Fill glass nr 1 and glass nr 2 with can nr 1. Put ice cube nr 1 and ice cube nr 3 into glass nr 2. Put ice cube nr 4 and ice cube nr 2 into glass nr 1.@L Nu far det fan ta me va nok !! If you find it a bit hard, then just drink out of the bottle (Noo! Not the Fanta bottle !!).@L @L Ok, over to something else !!@L Lets test your musical capabilities. We will sing one sentence of a tune (which we like!). YOU shall then guess which tune it is. Just to make it a bit easier we will help you with the name of the group. I need you tonight...da.da tra lla INXS. (Tricky one, wasn't it!) YEEESSS I will have you (That blonde girl!)....da.da tralla ANIMOTION. Steps to heaven is steps to me (ATOM!)...da.da tra lla Solliballi Sello (Hard one,wasn't it!). If you manage to guess all the tunes.... then...then you win a bicycle trip to Norway (Jippie!)!!!!@L @L And now over to something quite different.@L Special thanks must go to: the authors of this text (the names have been changed to protect the guilty!).@L @BMOTA DNA EZZAJ @N(xor $AA!).@L @L And of course to our (Atom's and Jazze's) weekend girls:@L @L @B@KGreta and Lena@N@L @L Not to forget our funny little pudgy boy: Bandage (Knock Outed in the first round). Once again thanks to Foetus for providing us with tickets to fun. To my parents for not beeing at home. And last and least to our growing FAN-CLUB !!! Well, this is getting boring so lets write about something else !!@L @L Jag hatar Crackers Journalen when dom skriver in tyska..Why kan dom inte keepa sig till (Sv)engelska.@L @L And now for those who can keep their eyelids opened for another cycle. If this sick (Hick!) text passes the censorship (Foetus) (Hi Foetus, once more thanks for the tickets..We need some more !!), then we feel very, very sorry for you......@L @L THE END@L (move.l $fc0004,$80, trap $00)@L @L And now over to som....@L @L @B(That's 'nuff. Who let those freaks out of the cupboard? I gave specific orders not to open the door unless we had to feed them or clean it!. Someone is going to be sorry for this!! - Ed.)@N @P @H1"The End" Ok we have come to the end of this issue of @FExceller 8@N. We are interested in your opinions about this magazine. So please feel free to write to us telling us what you think.@L @L If you have an interesting article that you want published, contact us first before you write anything. Remember, we are not only looking for "Computer material" but also other things associated with the media world.@L @L Deadline for the next issue of this Magazine is January the 31th 1989.@L @L In the next issue@B Celebrandil@N will write about Raytracing and Vector-graphics.@L @L Exceller 8 sends it's best wishes all over the globe:@L @L @BMerry Christmas And A Happy New Year.@L Joyeux Noel Bonne Annee.@L Feliz Navidad Feliz Ano Nuevo.@L Iyi Noeller Ve Yeni Yiliniz Kutlu Olsun.@L Frohliches Weihnachten Und Gluckliches Neujahr.@L Nodhlaig Sonna, Agus Bliain Nua Fe Mhaise Ghuit.@L Wesolych Swiat I Szczesliwego Nowego Roku.@L God Jul Och Gott Nytt Ar.@L Feliz Natal E Um Bom Ano Novo.@L Buon Natale E Prospero Anno Nuovo.@L Salamu Na Furaha Za Sukuku Ya Kirimasi Na Mwaka Mpya.@N@L @L And remenber:@L @L @BWHAT@L DID@L @FGOD@N@B@L DO@L FOR@L YOU@L TODAY@L HONEY___________-ED.@L